They do look out for me

‘Mummy I think you should start dieting again. You are getting fat.’ These were the words of my older daughter. Lately they have both been implying that I have added a lot. I do know I need to get back on track. I haven’t worked out in over 4months or more! My feeding habit is not as healthy as it used to be…my shirts don’t button conveniently any longer so yes I know these little ones are right.

I know there is no excuse when one has to get back on track. You just create the time and do it. Heck when I was really into it, I did not have time to work out till 11pm but I was consistent. Now though I am still working and not done working till well past midnight sometimes 1.30am. sincerely, I am still looking for the ‘space’ in my night (morning cant fly as I have to wake up 4am to be out by 5.30am. I cant afford to wake up earlier than that with the time I go to bed). In the meantime, I may just have to focus more on the healthy eating which is actually supposed to be easy…

Oooh Lord there is something horrible about sitting at home though, you will just be eating and eating either because you don’t want the leftover to go to waste or just because you are bored. I hardly eat three proper meals normally but this one I am home I eat three proper meals improperly.  I even indulged in ice cream when I took my kids out today. Shame on me sha! I need help in getting back on track. I want my proper size 10 body back before I am back to work. I know what to do. I truly do but I need something to kick start me. Something or someone. I just really need a miracle to get back on track. I don’t ever want to be called fat again …ever.

Even the kids can parent the adult. 

MOMMY PLAY WITH US....

Wow! It is almost a year after the last post. So much for my attempt at keeping  a diary…let alone an open one.

At the time I started with this diary, I had a 9-5 job and my online store where I sell ladies apparels mainly (on several platforms). As I write, I still do both except I now run a logistics business. Were my last two posts not saying something about me not having enough time for my kids? Call me crazy. Adding more to what I do instead of trying to cut down on that. *sigh*.  Anyways, we get by somehow. Not much has changed.

Unfortunately, like this time last year, my nanny is about to leave for good.  I am on vacation as usual…I mean I am off my 9-5 work till next year so I do not have to run out of the house by 5.30am for now. The husband is not in the country and this would have been a good time for Bola to be around for longer. Remember Bola, the me before I became a mommy and a wife… that one that is almost forgotten but still struggling to exist? I was out with my bestie some days ago. I asked to join her and some of her other friends to the beach. I honestly believed that would be very relaxing considering the immense pressure I had been under in the last few weeks…workwise. I was probably only relaxed for a bit. She asked me: ‘hope you had fun?’ Me: ‘ha yes o I did’. (big lie lol). Which fun now, when half the time I was trying to reach my riders to know if they were able to get fuel to do the deliveries for the day, another part of the time I was trying to calm my clients down and reassure them that they would get their packages delivered same day. As soon as it was 5pmish, mommyness jumped in and I could not push away the guilty feeling like ‘how are the kids? I am sure they wish I was with them. I am sure they are so bored at home considering there might not be power supply etc etc’. I finally got on the journey back home and kai! The traffic ehh. Maaad. I did not get home till around 9pmish.

We are home…me and the girls….they want me to ‘play with them’. I took them out for breakfast earlier today and they were happy but they are constantly asking me if I will be at home till they resume. Constantly wanting to know if I have anywhere to go the next day. All they want is for me to sit at home with them or if I have to go out then we all must. Is there a way I can make the house interesting for them while I am away as there are days I will definitely need to go out without them? Is there a reason they always want me around or is it that there is something I am not doing right? We danced together today….this and a few other little things are ways we bond or ways I think we can bond. Still….doesnt seem enough for them.

…looks like I need to do more parenting.

They are always in my face. Lol

So for about a month now, i have been without a nanny/maid. It has been just us- the kids, hubby and I. While i was on leave the first few days...oh i think i have actually been without a nanny for more than one month! ....it was not so bad as I took the opportunity to bond with the girls. We hardly have such real time for mummy/daughter so yes, It felt like a worthy sacrifice.
Then time to go back to work and here i am still with no one to assist. *sigh*.  I have to set out and leave for work 5.30am and will not be back till around 7pm (on days when there is no traffic o). Hubby helps to get them ready and does school runs but his work entails a bit of travelling so there are days he will not be around for this. I fear a day like this is coming soon. When they are back from school, they have to be at my neighbour's. Oh, Cindy has been amazing! Yes, we have been neighbours since 2011, we became friends but drifted apart again in the last three years. Now, needing her support I cannot undermine the absoluteness of what she is doing. She not only shelters them till i get back, she also do a bit of academic work with them. Em, i am still thinking of the best way to show my gratitude.
Ok, what is this really about? I have been a stay-at mom once before and i have compared with being a working mom, it is so much harder being the former. The work is indescribable especially when you have no maid. Now having to combine being a working mom and no maid is something i have never had to do for such a long time especially with two kids (9yrs and 7yrs). I am in the living room, they are with me. I try to escape to hide and get a me-time in the room, they are right there in the room or hanging by my window giving me the 'you are ignoring us' look. PHCN is not helping as maybe they could have occupied themselves with TV whenever i needed to 'getaway'.
They are almost always having something to report the other for. And the smart 9yr old asks, 'mummy did you beg God to give you children?' i said yes, without realising the trap question. And she goes, 'so why do you complain that we disturb you?' I gritted my teeth (by the way, i just paused to yell at them. lol, i try not to but its hard when they are making so much noise. ok i need to chill) and just did not respond.
I must admit though, this has made my girls a bit more independent. My 9yr old now sweeps and once mopped the floor. Oh, she does dishes too, takes out the trash and washes under wears and socks. My 7yr (she is almost 7), wipes dusts from furniture. That one is quite naughty so well, we still have to just push her a bit to do little chores. while her sister is filling the water reservoirs in the bathrooms , she is just going up and down trying to make more trouble. One small spank is ok, she will cry and sleep and we will have some peace. lol. Suddenly, cooking is not fun. I spent hours standing in the kitchen yesterday after making an attempt to clean my room.
I am hoping somehow i am able to get a nanny by the end of this new week. I write this as i am also looking round at my untidy living room. I have to go now.
-Parenting has no manual.