They need me

So this morning, i woke up by 4am as usual to get ready for work. When it was past 5am and almost time to get out of the house and be on my way to the office, i remembered i did not see the girls the whole of the day before. I forgot to wake N1 to say her prayers before i left and i did not get home till past midnight. Erm, yes, there was mad traffic. Ok, back to this morning, i went into their room to wake them up but N1 was up and coming out of the room already.

N1; mummy i did not see you at all yesterday. you forgot to wake me up to pray and now you are going again. *hugs me*.
i walked into their room and woke N2 up. We all exchanged pleasantries and i was on my way out of the house.
My work entails visiting clients all over. So earlier, i was out working around the house and not so far off from the girls' school. I was so tempted to stop by and pay a surprise visit to them in school. They would have been over the moon. And then i remembered i would not visit without tipping teachers and right now, i am a bit tight on cash so i decided against it.
I got  home tonight a little past 7.30pm. I hugged the girls and asked if their lesson teacher came by to revise the test they will be having tomorrow with them. Yes she came around. That is settled. Next is them jumping after me as i entered each rooms.

Me: what was for dinner?

N1: sweet potato poridge. very very sweet.
Minutes later, N1: mummy do you know what big mummy (their nanny) did today? i almost cried. because my hijab got stained with poster color when i was rushing she said i always liked to come back dirty while other people are clean. and i told her it was a mistake o.

Me: she was only correcting you. she wants you to always stay neat. she has not said anything wrong.
more minutes later now in my room,

N1: mummy i want to tell you something but i am scared. should i?

Me: ( a bit anxious as usual) yes please tell me.

N1: ok but i am scared. dont worry i wont say it again.

Me: say it. i am your mum. you should tell me everything.

N1: you know yesterday i did not see you at all? you go to work early and come back late, its like you dont have time for us.
Ok i was not expecting this. , Me: Erm, i know. you are right. but i do try hard to create time for you. i work far from the house so i have to leave early and i get to come back late. that is why the first thing i ask when i get back is about your school and if you have eaten. i also try to give atleast  a day of saturday or sunday for you that i do not go out. ( i was panicking and hoping i was convincing to them... and me).

N2: daddy works close to the house. why cant you work close to the house? please get an office near the house.

Me: i am trying to get a job nearer home.

N1: why cant you work in my daddy's office?

Me: because they did not give me a job there. i work elsewhere.

N1: daddy too do not have time for us. with all his travellings.

Me: but he does. he deliberately creates time to go drop you off in school every mornings if he is around so he can spend time with you.
Both girls exchanged looks and smiles,

N1: no he does not. he does not talk to us when we are going to school.


Me: so talk to him. he will answer you.

N2: when we talk he will tell us to keep quiet because he wants to listen to news.
Me: well ok we both try. when you are older and parents you will understand it can be sometimes difficult. but we will try harder ok?

N1: yes like the day you woke me up that your fone broke and you needed me to come and console you. that morning you wanted to spend time with me yes?

Me: yes like that morning. and the other mornings i wake u up pretending to need your help. it is really so that we can spend sometime together.
.............parenting is never easy.

First of all

So first of all a little introduction so as to have a bit of background information of me. I am Phaozee, wife and mom of two. My daughters are N1 and N2. I used to be Bola (never mind the difference for now) but i somehow got lost along the line while becoming a wife and mom. Yea. Sometimes i still 'find' the Bola in me but she always has to run off to hide whenever i have to be a wife or mummy...which is literally all the time! I have always had a diary. Atleast, Bola always did. I have not kept one since I became a wife and mummy. Let me see how far i can go in keeping an open diary. Enjoy.